Homeworld 2 Complex

General - ••• The Complex Bar & Grill •••

ALC - Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:28 pm
Post subject: ••• The Complex Bar & Grill •••

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Exclamation COMPLEX BAR & GRILL ALWAYS OPEN Exclamation

Many forums have bars where patrons can chill out after a hard day's posting, strategic planning and generally slaughtering one's enemies. The Complex Forum has long lacked a Bar, so here it is, finally open for business. Drop in for a drink. Meet your colleagues in a warm and friendly stress-free atmosphere, etc, etc, itd, jne.

We serve everything from PanGalacticGargleBlasters™©® to Plain chilled Oxygen Dihydride (with optional added flavourings if desired). And if we haven't got it we can get it.

—ID required for some drinks, lobotomy required after others—

NOTE: Please be sure to read the zero grav toilet instructions before using the facility.

AND Enjoy our zero gravity golf course (before dinner recommended)

No double parking. Double parked vehicles will be towed away.
No double posts. Double posts will be terminated.
No loitering. Loiterers will be executed.
Posts in languages other than English are welcome provided a translation in English is included.
Use good punctuation and good grammar please. And this is a nice bar with nice patrons, so lets be nice.

The management reserves the right to do lots of things, including refuse admission, removing loud patrons, dissolving quiet ones and generally keeping order — I also deal justice with my Lawgiver. The occasional execution is always good for fleet morale. Other rules will be made up and discarded on the whim of the bartender.


Very Happy The first drink is of course free Very Happy
ALC - Fri Apr 22, 2011 11:45 pm
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Barkeep leans on counter, drumming fingers, eyeballing the large rat over in the far corner which seemed to have the upper hand on a couple of unfortunate mice that had been preoccupied with a tasty lump of bread.

On the bar vid screen in the background the Pyramyd Multi-world series was screaming its way through one of the dullest semi-finals in a decade.

The monotonous drone of the vending machine could be heard, subsonic, barely audible yet always reassuring, going typoketa, typoketa, typoketa, typoketa, typoketa, typoketa...,

Yup, sure is hard running an old fashioned static business these days.
Especially one in an unfashionable part of town.

EDIT:
Some crosslink storage for fast find on maps:
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Sagyxil - Sat Apr 23, 2011 7:30 am
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Never been to a bar. Nice place you have here. Quite the view. You can almost see the end of the universe from here.
ALC - Tue Apr 26, 2011 8:08 pm
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Sagyxil wrote:
You can almost see the end of the universe from here.
Almost. Unfortunately we got the number 2 site. We can't quite see the end of the Universe from the clock tower, but there is a very good view of Millyways' car park Exclamation
Sagyxil - Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:32 am
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Oh...look a Somebody Else's Problem Field!
Or is it?
Can't make my self care enough to take a second look...

Whose towel is this?
ALC - Wed Apr 27, 2011 8:19 pm
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Er, that'd be my towel.

The hagrabiscuit machine has some extra nice towels available at very reasonable rates.
hell diguner - Fri Apr 29, 2011 5:04 am
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Hey barkeep, you got anything for lag? I have a splitting headache, and some serious delay between typing 'access' and having my fleet scuttle itself.
hell diguner - Fri Apr 29, 2011 5:04 am
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Aaaw you're kidding me... I didn't hit edit?

You know, maybe I need something for the headache more than for the lag.

ALC - Fri Apr 29, 2011 10:28 am
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Welcome patron.

Lag? Certainly sir.

We have Beeblebrox's Frosty Lagshortner™©® (Careful it has been known to make your hair fall out if you drink it too fast, and your head falls off it you drink it too slowly — so balance is needed). Your mouth will love you for at least 10 minutes after. Mmm the taste, hazelnut tannins blended with finest Scottish shortbread, leaving a fried blackberry aftertaste.

As to headaches, try the Hagrabiscuit™©®. It er, cures everything.
.
.

hell diguner wrote:
Aaaw you're kidding me... I didn't hit edit?
Computers never lie — besides HAL9 (our internal security contractor bot) saw you on the cctv.
barabas666 - Mon May 09, 2011 11:33 am
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HAHA!! U guyz cheer me up! Laughing
ALC - Mon May 09, 2011 12:18 pm
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Would you care for a beverage, Sir?
We are doing a special on water today.
Testsubjkt9 - Wed May 11, 2011 9:16 pm
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Hi all.
I'll have a water please,
to test.
ALC - Wed May 11, 2011 10:45 pm
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Certainly. There you are sir.
It's quiet in here, man could have a rhetorical conversation without realising it.
Sagyxil - Thu May 12, 2011 12:23 am
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Feeling a bit beside ourself, are we?

Do you know when the dolphins are arriving?
ALC - Thu May 12, 2011 1:09 am
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Sagyxil wrote:
Feeling a bit beside ourself, are we?


I seem to be spending a lot of time out of my body recently...
I seem to be spending a lot of time out of my body recently...

In glorious Stereo.


Sagyxil wrote:
Do you know when the dolphins are arriving?

Nope.
But that bunch of Chimps over there in the corner have been busy forever on that iPad working out a plot for Hamlet.
They're good spenders too Very Happy
Walkop2011 - Tue May 17, 2011 11:22 pm
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Quote:

But that bunch of Chimps over there in the corner have been busy forever on that iPad working out a plot for Hamlet.
They're good spenders too

Wait for just a minute. The chimps are still using those locked-down crazy tablets? I thought they would have switched over to Android like everyone else did way back in 2016. Oh well; they are chimps after all. You can't expect much more. They have to have money to burn if they're willing to spend it on that computer.

Although it is good for typing. Wink
ALC - Wed May 18, 2011 12:22 am
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Ah, a customer.
Would you care for a beverage sir?

Pay no heed to those Chimps.
Although they are very wealthy, they are also stuck in a temporal bubble.
lmsmi1 - Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:34 pm
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I'll have the usual. Orange Gatorade with a lemon splash. And might I have a spot of grilled shrimp please? This is The Complex Bar and Grill of course.
ALC - Fri Jul 22, 2011 12:25 pm
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Shhh, don't say "shrimp" too loudly—it worries the Chimps...

One Orange Gatorade with Lemon splash and some grilled, er Number Six Decapodal Crustacean, garlic dip included at no extra charge Sir.

That will be four billion dollars please. Very Happy
lmsmi1 - Fri Jul 22, 2011 2:44 pm
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Luckily I was president of the Geneva Convention at one time. Here's your 4 Billion dollars. Smile
ALC - Fri Jul 22, 2011 10:30 pm
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Shocked —We must raise our prices lads...
The chimps all start screeching and nodding their heads.
Sagyxil - Sun Jul 24, 2011 12:38 am
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Wasn't Geneva destroyed (along with Earth) to make room for the Hyperspace Bypass?
ALC - Sun Jul 24, 2011 3:13 pm
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Indeed it was, will be destroyed. In these multitemporalmultidimensional times in which we live it's difficult to know whichwhen we are or which universe we are actually in, whether it's the fourth one on the right, or that one over there on the other side of Car Park Three, or neither, or both, or an entirely different one that we haven't considered yet —all possibilities as space-time is definitely curved.
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:38 am
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"This place looks dusty now. I'll clean up."

*lmsmi1 sweeps the floor and uses a feather duster to clean everything up*

"How long has it been before anyone has posted here? It looks abandoned. Hello? Hellooooo?" *Hello echoing*
Sagyxil - Mon Aug 08, 2011 2:22 am
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[whispering]Keep it down!
The chimps are sleeping. It took forever for them to shut up about a new script for Shakespeare's Hamlet they wrote, so don't get them started again![/whispering]
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 08, 2011 2:35 am
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"Oh hi Sagyxil. It's been a few weeks since anyone's been here. I cleaned the place up. Speaking of those chimps, when I was here alone I saw one of them under a blanket. I snuck over and uncovered the chimp. He was googleing a new script for that Shakespeare's Hamlet thingy on their iPad. I quickly took the iPad away and gave the chimp a quick shot of anesthetic. I checked the Web History on their Mozilla Firefox app and they have been searching all this time. Their project is almost done. I found some old apples by their table too (that's probably what they survived off of considering the door was locked when I tried to open it, so I broke in.) Don't worry, I put in a new window. I guess I'll take over this place considering ALC hasn't posted here in a while. If he doesn't post in the next week or two, I'll take over. Don't worry, I'll be here every day to serve the guests, if there are any besides those chimps. Oh and also, I have a few new forums that I made, and those chimps were checking those out on their iPad too. I wonder what they're up to. [whispering] Hey, I know what they're up to actually. They have hacked the Complex Website so that every download is a picture of a chimp. They are taking over the Complex universe. Warn everyone else about this. This is going to be hard to get back. Sign your name in this petition. Its a petition for Banning the Chimps. If you sign it (you're on the Complex Team), we will be able to kick the chimps out of this place. HOWEVER. The chimps also provide a large portion of our funding. I say we don't kick them out. BTW my little brother suggested the petition thing. I want to still have a pay check at the end of every week, that is why I work here."
Nakamura - Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:56 pm
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I would have some martian dihydrogen-oxide please. I know its a treasure, but here, i have some pure element zero for you.
5 miligrams
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 08, 2011 2:41 pm
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Well, since the Bartender (ALC) isn't here, I assume I'll take over. Here you are sir.

EDIT: You, out from behind that bar or you'll be barred. — And I want to see some ID —ALC
bills6693 - Tue Aug 09, 2011 10:10 pm
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one chimp steak, medium-rare, with a pint of fusion-resedue. ionoized, not stirred.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 09, 2011 10:16 pm
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-Chimps screeching loudly in background. . .-

"RUN BILLS! THEY'RE GOING TO ATTACK YOU! By the way, here's one chimp steak, medium rare. As ordered. Ionized, served with a cold pint of fusion residue."
ALC - Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:51 am
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Barkeep returns, switches on the Vending Machine and activates the queueing machine.
Tickets Please...

lmsmi. You're barred.

Bills, Stop annoying the chimps. They actually own most of the universe that the bar is built on. They might raise the rent. Besides, they start co-operating when cornered.

lmsmi. You're un-barred.
Drink?
And I still want to see some ID, the one without the mustache.
lmsmi1 - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:10 am
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Oh ok. Here it is. -I show you my ID-
I would like a small Blueberry Crockade ('Croc'odile instead of Alli'gator') shot please. And please add a shot of Orange Soda to that. . .I'm feeling stressed. lol
ALC - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:14 am
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Scans the ID.
....
....
....
....
....
umm, seems to be order Sir.

Serves a drink to the customer.
That will be four Altarian Cents please.

In he background the chimps have gone back to re-designing their iPads.
lmsmi1 - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:19 am
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I saw one of them with a walkie talkie. I would check that out if I were you. After all. You're the barkeeper again. By the way. I cleaned this place up, but those mice had the cleaning contract. So do I still get paid? lol. Just kidding. I'll be the Janitor.

-One of the chimps swings around and knocks a shot glass off the table, which then hits the floor and breaks-

I'll get that! -lmsmi1 rushes over to the scene and immediately cleans the mess up.-

One of the chimps is drunker than a Cowboy at a Saloon at 12 in the mornin'! Hurry! Get that chimp stabilized! He's goin' to pull out his SHOTGUN THAT'S LEGAL IN A BAR! LOL
ALC - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:26 am
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They're good customers. They can do what they like.
I notice you haven't paid for your drink yet Sir.
That'll be fourteen thousand cents please. Interest accrues fast around here. Somebody's got to pay for the sand.
lmsmi1 - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:29 am
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Well, I didn't intend to spend so much here, Luckily I pawned mine and my wife's wedding ring and got $1,400. Sweet! I can actually pay for it! Here you go. Here a $5 tip too. Just for you. BTW I edited my last post so refresh your screen.
ALC - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:38 am
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A tip! Thank you Sir Smile
No bad language please though, especially if it is retrospective.

Well, I'm off to the races.
The bar is now on autopilot.
Mr. Green

I'll Be Back
lmsmi1 - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:43 am
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I wrote:
Autopilot huh? Well, I'll just ask this here robotic Barkeeper if I can get a Ion Cannon grilled Steak with extra Pulsar Sauce on the side.

Robot - "Yes, of course sir."

-lmsmi1 receives exactly what he ordered-

lmsmi1 - "Thank you. Here's a tip for you."

-lmsmi1 gives the robot a $5 tip-

ALC - Wed Aug 10, 2011 9:26 am
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Y E S • S I R • H O L D • F O R • I D E N T I F I C A T I O N
The Bar Automatic Pilot freezes the soliloquising hallucinating customer in mid speak and scans him for criminal records, ID, and contageous skin conditions.

–Loads friendly voice–
We offer only the best, most kosher steaks here, Ameglian Major Cow, the greatest. Hagrabiscuit is available as a side order with that, at no extra charge.

Please enjoy your meal on this planet Very Happy
bills6693 - Wed Aug 10, 2011 12:10 pm
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can I point out that the rat got those mice
lmsmi1 - Wed Aug 10, 2011 2:09 pm
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Yes, thy did bills. And I assume the bar is no longer on auto pilot, because ALC has posted.
ALC - Thu Aug 11, 2011 1:40 am
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bills6693 wrote:
can I point out that the rat got those mice
Ah, but only because the mice let it Wink

lmsmi1 wrote:
the bar is no longer on auto pilot
The bar is always open, except when it is not.

It is built on a temporal eddy thingy, so time is circular, most of the time.

-Looks Bills directly in the eye-
Would you care for another drink Sir...
Sagyxil - Thu Aug 11, 2011 2:12 am
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The rat got the mice, because that is what the mice wanted you to see.

Quote:
Please enjoy your meal on this planet
/time eddy/Lot #2, because you might be eating it again in the past-future. Or not at all in the future-past.
So order well, order quickly and order often!
Chimp taps my left shoulder
What? Is the transphasic fusion battery in you iPad 84XLS leaking again? Hand it over, I'll have a look...wait a minute...

Looks directly at the chimp
You forgot to turn on the lucid parity shielding again didn't you? Do try to remember next time. You do want to keep all the hair on your legs don't you?

lmsmi1 - Thu Aug 11, 2011 2:33 am
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-The chimps all run to the corner of the bar. They cower at something. . .suddenly, a time portal rips open, and sucks the chimps inside. It then deteriorates into the blankness. Yet another time portal rips open and the chimps fly out of it. Then again it disappears. One of the chimps then pulls out a strange remote that has a screen on it-

lmsmi1 says to the chimp with the remote - "I assume you have made a time traveling device."

-The chimps all run put of the bar screaming in fear. They know lmsmi1 has found out about their plans to change the past-
ALC - Thu Aug 11, 2011 5:34 pm
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Barkeep groans.
The SHADOW guards quietly remove lmsmi back to the human zone of the bar and then fade in the light.

The Head Waiter smiles:
Do be careful Sir. Do you by any chance have a car in the car park?


Those poor chimps—messing with time can be an expensive hobby—all of their shiny space ships in the car park will have been clamped tens of millions of years ago.....

Barkeep smiles wryly.
Yes, profits will be good this cycle, from all those un-clamping fees Mr. Green

Time for a free drink for everybody, and do watch out for that pool of hyperspace in the floor Sagyxil.

Somewhere in the background a Dentrasi appeared and started to refill the Hagrabiscuit Stand

The Chimps in the bar's past perfect begin again to discuss Hamlet for the N'th time.
The bar moves forward in time.
EVERYONEISHAPPY

"TICKETS PLEASE..." The Waiter Droid moves in towards the nearest customer.
lmsmi1 - Fri Aug 12, 2011 5:29 pm
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So the shadow guards took me away??? I don't get it???

There is a radio on the bar counter. lmsmi1 has a CB, you can hear him. . .faintly. . .screaming. . .the SHADOW guards are torturing him. . .they are laughing.

The next hour lmsmi1 comes into the bar, beaten up. He says, "You cannot imagine what I've been through, ALC, bills, Sagyxil. It was awful."
Sagyxil - Fri Aug 12, 2011 6:09 pm
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I think that is actually Hyperspace-brand Gum. Probably from one of the chimps that disappeared into one of the random portals.
looks at the radio on the counter
Isn't that radio from the distant future?
Quote:
"You cannot imagine what I've been through, ALC, bills, Sagyxil. It was awful."
...you mean what you WILL go through, don't you? How can SHADOW guards torture a person? They are insubstantial.
I think it far more likely that the radio is broadcasting you during a poetry reading on a Vogon ship; meaning that this is you from the future; and those wounds are self-inflicted (from wanting to claw out your own ears and/or brain.)
This also means the Vogon's Restraining Device Quality Checking Committee bueracracy must have risen to record levels to allow such a simple defect to get passed their multi-phased quality assurance process.
lmsmi1 - Fri Aug 12, 2011 6:15 pm
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Yes, what I will go through, or if I've already been through it, or if you're going through it, or if ALC is going to go through it, or you all have already been through it. . .
or. . .wait. . .so you mean they make us think what we thought (our thoughts we think we thought we think we thought). . .I think?
Sagyxil - Fri Aug 12, 2011 6:16 pm
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Take a breath, and try again.
bills6693 - Fri Aug 12, 2011 6:24 pm
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If you could 'like' posts on here, I would certainly like that one from sagyxil...
lmsmi1 - Fri Aug 12, 2011 6:25 pm
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OK.

-lmsmi1 takes a few breathers-

I get it now. lol Smile
ALC - Sat Aug 13, 2011 2:47 am
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Calm down lmsmi1 and ask a glass of water for help.
–Here's one–
The shadow Guards are here for, cough, everyone's protection.
There was no taking awayness, merely a re-arrangement of your molecules in the right corner of the bar, out of range of the Chimp's spitting distance —some of them are eating peanuts, you know Wink

Now, if you don't pay your parking clamp fine, that's a different matter.
lmsmi1 - Sat Aug 13, 2011 3:53 am
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My parking clamp fine? When did I get that?
ALC - Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:51 pm
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When you parked your car retrospectively in advance of course.
Have an olive, they're on special offer today.
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:52 am
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Well well, I assume no one wants my HW2 Editing/Modding Tools forum to be a sticky. That's OK. I just thought it would be better to have it as a sticky for beginner modders looking for help.
hell diguner - Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:18 pm
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[H_D wakes up]
.
.
What the hell?
.
Woah what time is it, how long have I been out?
.
.
[looks at Bills in a strange way]
.
.
.
(groan) Barkeep, are you sure that Frosty Lagshortner wasn't old? It seems like---
---er, I need to inspect the plumbing, would you kindly point me in the right direction?
ALC - Mon Aug 15, 2011 5:53 pm
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hell diguner wrote:

Woah what time is it

Half past August Sir.

All of our Frosty Lagshortner is mid-aged Sir. I wouldn't call it old exactly.

hell diguner wrote:

---er, I need to inspect the plumbing, would you kindly point me in the right direction?
Certainly Sir. Follow that running chimp...

—Points to a chimp with an urgent look on its face which is in the process of scuttling through a red door with a small black icon on it.
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 15, 2011 5:54 pm
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Looks like that chimp REALLY has to go. lol
ALC - Mon Aug 15, 2011 5:58 pm
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A works droid enters and removes lmsmi1's advert.

Advertising is strictly prohibited in the bar unless an Advert Form is filled out in triplicate, submitted to the Appropriate Authority on the Appointed Day, lost and found in the usual manner and then resubmitted in an orderly manner.

EDIT:
Yes, the chimps do tend to leave things to the last minute...
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 15, 2011 6:55 pm
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What was I advertising? My forum?
ALC - Tue Aug 16, 2011 1:02 am
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lmsmi1 wrote:
What was I advertising?
The Vogon Committee (which actually is composed of six chimps, one Klingon—who never comes to the meetings, a small dog, and a surprisingly intelligent rock) for Bar Publicity has this to say about advertising:

"An Advert might be considered to be any activity which does not constitute a request for an item of food or a beverage supplied within the bar OR it's car park which would result in a net intake of revenue for the bar"

The fact that there are no Vogons at all on this committee is not a co-incidence. It is due entirely to the fact that the chimps own 97.8% of the bar.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 2:03 am
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ALC wrote:
a surprisingly intelligent rock


??? Confused. . .a rock is intelligent? It is a simply comprised piece of material formed from the bare mother earth. How can it be intelligent??? Well, I can actually understand now. I do agree. I remember a fairly smart twig in my homeroom class in 5th grade. Smile
hell diguner - Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:11 am
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[H_D walks back in]

I'm happy to report the plumbing works great, but that quarter machine lock on the door seems broken. I put nine quaters in it before it finally unlocked, and the change button is jammed.

[H_D takes a seat at a different table, the table he came from mysteriously vanished]

Did I hear somebody mention Shoguns?
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:18 am
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lmsmi1 looks at ALC vaguely.
Walkop2011 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:21 am
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Gah...sorry about that. Been gone for a while. Temporal loops, and the like. You would never guess how smart those chimps are - they sent me back in time, and that time happened to be when that guy (I think his name started with an 's') was writing the original Hamlet. I didn't know, at the time. I was pretty shocked. Time travel and all that. Real strange.

Anyway, I eneded up helping him out with sets and the like; and he gave me a copy of the original script. Nice guy, still don't know his name...

Anywho, the chimps all've a sudden came outa nowhere and plopped me back here. I was happy, sure, but they took the script and went back to that locked-down iPad. I'm back on my Android with a copy of the script, gonna see if I can beat em' to whatever they're trying to do. Anyone have an idea? They're gonna find out I took the first half of the script sooner or later; gonna need a getaway plan.

Hey, nice view! Who's got the McLaren HSS? *starts plotting getaway*

By the way, ALC, I'll take one'a those waters now. Never liked the taste but that 's' guy got me hooked.

Looks like I missed a lot a goins' on. When did the mice infest the bar? And why are there rats everywhere?

Where are the cats when you need them?!

I thought you cleaned this place up, lmsmi! There's no place for lying in this bar... ALC! Banish this lier! Liers upset the chimps, as you very well know...first hand experience must have taught you that. You obviously remember what happened back in 9852, with that generator. That was bad for both of us, and for such a little thing. Imagine what would happen here! Remove him! Quick, before it's too late! We don't want another hyperspace ripwave generator to get out of hand...

Sagyxil knows first hand. He designed the thing! Tell the group about it. All the technical details and it's power. I hear the Hiigarans are refitting one of thir heavy-duty ships with one.

Let's just say it's not good for the 'Grill. At all. Or for your complexion.


Oh, it appears I'm talking too much again. Keep! Where's the water?
ALC - Tue Aug 16, 2011 12:33 pm
Post subject:
lmsmi1 wrote:
from the bare mother earth.
... or from a completely different planet.
Actually, the rock doesn't really do much now that you mention it.

[Barkeep adopts H_D's third person brackets]
Ah, you met the Door then. It makes up the charge as it goes along, especially if it likes you. It's goal in existence is to open and close knowing that it has a job well done and happy customers all round.

Your drink appears to have vanished too. Gotta be quick around here.
I think a complimentary replacement drink is due Sir.

No shotguns round here Sir.
This is a safe, friendly, safe establishment. Did I mention safe?!

Walkop2011 wrote:
(I think his name started with an 's')
That'd be Simon Shakessomething.

The chimps are stuck in a sort of "loop" thingy (a bit like the rest of us round here), so if you disguise yourself as a chimp and join them at a crucial moment, you might beat them to it after seeing what they are at by sliding backwards a bit.

One H2O coming up sir, frosted with a light mist on top.

Walkop2011 wrote:
ALC! Banish this lier!

Um, looks like lmsmi! joined the Union. Can't sack him now. He's got to work here for eternity cleaning the windows at a vastly overpaid hourly rate…
[looks round] Yep, there are no windows. But Union rules state that there has to be a Window Optimisation Specialist Engineer on the squad.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:31 pm
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Sad I joined the union? WHYYYYY!!! lol
Walkop2011 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 4:14 pm
Post subject:
Those unions are everywhere nowadays - sometimes they sign you up without even knowing. But I got an idea that will satisfy everyone (not you lmsmi). The chimps, ALC, AND the union. AND you (not you lmsmi) can press charges!!

[Walkop adopts third-person brackets and posts 20-foot advert on the wall with lmsmi's name on it]

SHADOW guards! Infraction! Infraction!!!

*cough*

By the way, Keep, there's peanut shells in my water. Any ideas? I need clean water if I'm gonna complete my work; this place'll be much better once I'm through. I think.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:57 pm
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Peanut shells in water? I wonder what that's from. . .*cough*chimps*cough*
ALC - Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:20 pm
Post subject:
Bar Internal Security (Managed by a Vogon Committee (which doesn't have any Vogons on it)) glances at Walkop and files a report. Strange that this customer would attempt such a deception in the face of the vast array of security devices currently employed herein. Category Four Crime, noted. Category Eight Crime, noted.

The Peanut fragments are part of the Complex Bar and Grill's exclusive water recipe Sir. We call it H2OPLUS

Coughing is a Category Nine Crime in the Bar. A small fine is imposed.

Drinks are now being served.
Tickets Please.
Sagyxil - Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:39 pm
Post subject:
Has the Heisenberg-Compensated Inertia-less Improbability Drive been engaged? Are we now a Level A8 Temporally Mobile Eating Establishment?

Or did I board a dinner train by accident?

[looks at right portion of a sleeve from a sweater]
How odd. The hair of my right arm between my wrist and elbow has been transmogrified into a sweater-like, blue-green fabric for some reason.

Here is my ticket.

Why is that chimp throwing packing peanuts rather ineffectually at lmsmi1? Also, where is he getting the peanuts from?
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:45 pm
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Sagyxil wrote:
Also, where is he getting the peanuts from?


Hmm. . .I know I didn't give him any. -lmsmi1 looks around the Bar-
Walkop2011 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 9:42 pm
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Er...sorry about that. The 's' guy gave me a few macrotons of the things. Apparently they're plentiful in the 2nd millennia.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 9:51 pm
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Hey bills, who are you on Facebook? This is me on
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hell diguner - Tue Aug 16, 2011 10:12 pm
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Hang on a moment, I know I've got my ticket somewhere. Ha! Here is is sir.

[H_D looks around at ALC]

You've changed the recipe of your H2OPLUS haven't you? One of the ingredients used to be whole cashews, and you used to have marañón slices hanging on the rim of the glass.
ALC - Tue Aug 16, 2011 10:29 pm
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We're having trouble growing the cashews. They decided they didn't like the idea of being part of a drink, so they went on strike.

The tickets are for Free Drinks.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 10:41 pm
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It sure is a good thing I brought this place back to life. Correct, ALC? If I wouldn't have posted here, this place would still be dead. Wink
ALC - Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:47 am
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Dead. Not necessarily.
The Bar always lives.
It is eternal.
It is inevitable.
It is exclusive.
It is expensive.
It is The Bar At The End Of The Forum.
lmsmi1 - Wed Aug 17, 2011 3:36 am
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So true ALC. So true.
Sagyxil - Wed Aug 17, 2011 4:40 am
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The bar is...filling with packing peanuts composed of marshmallow anti-matter. They are deliciously explosive.

The chimps are getting noisier over there, something must have happened.
Walkop2011 - Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:52 am
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AH HAH! Thanks for the tip, Sagyxil. I did exactly what you said, ALC; caught them at a critical moment. This is not good, though...

They're trying to build a inter-universal-transport-digamadog which allows them to transport to and conquer new universes. They already got ours for the most part...greedy animals - and want more..

Oh, did I mention they drilled into an...er...anti-matter universe?

The bar is equipped with a military-grade hyperspace deflector, I hope...
lmsmi1 - Wed Aug 17, 2011 4:38 pm
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Walkop2011 wrote:
The bar is equipped with a military-grade hyperspace deflector, I hope...


Well, lets hope then. lol
ALC - Wed Aug 17, 2011 11:46 pm
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Naah. This is the cheap badly built version of the bar.

Deflectors are manually operated...
[Bartender gestures to several exercise bicycle-like devise located at various intervals along the walls]
...better get pedaling!

Make sure to eat some peanuts first.
Towels are next to the Deflector Interface Units.
Walkop2011 - Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:25 am
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I thought this bar was exclusive; expensive? Oh, well...
*inhales H2Oplus and starts pedalling madly*
Sagyxil - Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:50 am
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...I think one of the chimps ate an anti-matter marshmallow; one of them is missing.
lmsmi1 - Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:42 pm
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Will we all go to the chimp's funeral? -lmsmi1 is weeping in the background-
ALC - Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:43 pm
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That's Zathras, he's always fading in and out of reality.
(The Galactic Revenue Service hate receiving his tax returns as the years are all out of chronological order so they don't know whether or not he owes them or they owe him).
He's not much good at pedaling anyway.
lmsmi1 - Thu Aug 18, 2011 3:52 pm
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ALC wrote:
That's Zathras, he's always fading in and out of reality.


Hmm. . .fading in and out of reality huh? Seems like him. . .but maybe it's Darmus. He is usually eating everything here, even his glass and plate. BTW anyone elso visit the Complex Official Website lately? It says the domain has expired.
ALC - Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:47 pm
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Definitely Zathras.
lmsmi1 wrote:
It says the domain has expired.
Yes, it does. We're, looking into it.
lmsmi1 - Thu Aug 18, 2011 4:57 pm
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ALC wrote:
We're, looking into it.


Good, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one seeing that.
ALC - Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:43 pm
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[The Yellow Hagrabiscuit Vending Machine switches itself on and groans into life with a slight touch of menace...]
lmsmi1 - Thu Aug 18, 2011 5:53 pm
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Oh my gosh! A live TV special right here in the Complex Bar and Grill! lol
ALC - Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:26 pm
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Er, it's a vending machine — you put money into it and it gives you goods...

[Barkeep gives Imsmi Volume 9 of the vending machine instruction book.]

See page 834.
lmsmi1 - Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:29 pm
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-lmsmi1 sees page 834-

. . .hmm. . .so it DOES operate on batteries. Hey ALC, I think you led me to the wrong page.
Walkop2011 - Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:40 pm
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I think he meant 1834, section A, subsection 32, under "definintions", sorted alphabetically; oh, that's not good...now the ereading station died. I had to leave my bike to talk about this...you should be able to figure it out! There are only 186 microsections in that area, with 18 topics each. *starts pedaling*
ALC - Fri Aug 19, 2011 6:01 pm
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Walkop2011 wrote:
*starts pedaling*
...and the lights come back on.
lmsmi1 - Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:56 am
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Hmm. . .just found a lot of my friends on Facebook. lol
ALC - Sun Aug 21, 2011 12:16 pm
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The music stops.
Somewhere in the distance a glass shatters.
Everyone in the bar turns to look at lmsmi1....
Even the Chimps pause...
...
HE IS OFF TOPIC AGAIN said Death, who had just dropped in for a Pan Galactic Gargleblaster.
[Death has the advantage in that he doesn't have to be a 30 ton megga elephant in order to drink more than one Pan Galactic Gargleblaster.]
Sagyxil - Sun Aug 21, 2011 2:15 pm
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A weasel coughs.
A person in a red cloak throws a neon pink blanket over lmsmi1, and activates a mobile SEP (Somebody Else's Problem) field generator; whispering "The door Mouse wishes to speak with you. Now."
The music slowly returns, a worker bot replaces the broken glass.
Everyone returns to what they were doing, once they realized they don't care enough to do anything.
lmsmi1 - Sun Aug 21, 2011 3:09 pm
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The Door mouse talks to lmsmi1. He returns unharmed.
ALC - Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:40 pm
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Greebo —the Bar and Grill cat—, always up for a challenge, leaps after the Door Mouse.

The Door Mouse has yet to be anything's dinner and vanishes with a soft shrppp long before Greebo reaches it, leaving the cat to thud on impact with the side of a vending machine.
Greebo growls and returns to harassing the local rat population with an interested swish of the tail.
lmsmi1 - Sun Aug 21, 2011 5:24 pm
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lmsmi1 gives Greebo a cat treat for chasing the mouse.
ALC - Mon Aug 22, 2011 1:45 am
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Greebo grabs the bag of yummy cat treats and disappears, a happy cat, ever the optimist.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 23, 2011 2:21 am
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-panting in background-
ALC - Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:20 pm
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Right, we've made enough money to replace the Bar light bulb battery, so now all those customers who didn't have infrared, infrasonic, uv or otherwise enhanced eyesight will be able to order food and drinks again. Form an orderly queue please...
Walkop2011 - Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:45 pm
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Oh - it was blown? I didn't even notice; that supernova over at the Simple Bar and Grill musta been keeping the place lit up. Well that supernova's done now, so I guess this is a good thing...anyway - is there a free H2Oplus giveaway to celebrate?

*Lights blow out*

Darn...I forgot to keep pedaling. When are those Military-Grade Hyperspace Deflector Generators coming in? This is getting real tiring...okay, now gotta find my bike...

*slams into wall, catches and rips all the bicycle wiring out of the walls*
*Hyperspace Deflector goes offline*

Uh...
Oops?

Anti-matter begins to flood the bar. With no power and no defenses, the Complexians are in *narrator gets hit with antimatter*

BANG!

Someone better get a new narrator in here. That one's gotta go to the hospital to replace his arm. Before we all explode; that is.
lmsmi1 - Fri Aug 26, 2011 3:04 am
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Having a bad day. Barkeep, could I get a lemon gatorade?
ALC - Sat Aug 27, 2011 12:17 am
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Barkeep glances at Walkop.
"Cough, Free?!" [Pauses for effect] "And you've damaged the back up deflector mechanism! Sorry Sir, but you're just going to have to earn your H2Oplus by moving to another bike…"
[Indicates an infinitely long row of bicycle simulators….]

[Glances at other customer] Barkeeps are one of life's great multi-taksers.
"A Lemon Gatorade? What's that then Sir?"
lmsmi1 - Sat Aug 27, 2011 1:07 am
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Hmm. . .I'm thinking. . .
Walkop2011 - Sat Aug 27, 2011 2:16 am
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A checimal soup with H2Oplus peanut-lemon-flavoured squeeze.

Wait a minute...why am I the only one pedaling here?!?

Ah; better keep pedallng anyway...
*starts pedaling madly*
lmsmi1 - Sat Aug 27, 2011 3:25 am
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Yes, indeed keep pedaling. . .
ALC - Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:05 pm
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Obi Wan Kenobi appears ghostily, slices off lmsmi1's arm for daring to make a double post in the Bar, and disappears again.

The Bar & Grill medical droid appears and applys a SureGrowMediPak®©™
to lmsmi1. His arm grows er, back. Kind of...
Oops, that's the chimpanzee friendly version.

The Bar & Grill medical droid presents lmsmi1 with rather a large bill for Medi Care.
Droids of course don't smile.

Barkeep does smile.
"Would you care for a drink sir, or maybe some peanuts...?"
lmsmi1 - Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:09 pm
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Sure. And by the way. I now now that I wouldn't dare to make a double post in the Complex Bar & Grill. I would never double post here. Really, I wouldn't. I only double post in the Recycle Bin section.
ALC - Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:44 pm
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Some chilled Vaygr Water perhaps...

Water is of course red and fizzy on the Vaygr home world...

THE RULES WILL BE ENFORCED — RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
lmsmi1 - Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:47 pm
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Sure, I'll take some chilled Vaygr Water. Sounds delicious.
ALC - Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:55 pm
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A glass of steamy red Vaygr Water is placed on the counter.

[In the background, the music dies down, chatter grinds to a halt. And the chimps start to chatter more loudly...]
lmsmi1 - Sat Aug 27, 2011 10:57 pm
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Thanks ALC. . .I mean, barkeep.
ALC - Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:30 am
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The Bar atmosphere returns to normal.
Apparently Imsmi1 has Vaygr genes after all, and is thus immune to the acidity of the Vaygr water.

"Aren't you on duty soon?" —asked the Head Waiter of Imsmi1
lmsmi1 - Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:45 am
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ALC wrote:
"Aren't you on duty soon?" —asked the Head Waiter of Imsmi1


On duty? For what?
ALC - Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:53 am
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lmsmi1 wrote:
On duty? For what?
'I Believe Sir Is A fully Paid Up Member Of The UNION With The Function Of "Window Optimisation Specialist Engineer" ' —said the Head Waiter.
'There Is A Mop And Bucket Over There, In Area 51.'
The Head Waiter gestured to a Bermuda Triangle-shaped cloudy area far across the Bar in one of the less fashionable nooks.
lmsmi1 - Sun Aug 28, 2011 1:08 am
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Oh. . .well then. . .I guess I'll go to my duty.
ALC - Sun Aug 28, 2011 11:41 am
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Sir Will Find A Ball And Chain Beside The Clocking In Machine —said the Head Waiter.
lmsmi1 - Sun Aug 28, 2011 2:19 pm
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Um. . .Ok. Very Happy
Sagyxil - Sun Aug 28, 2011 2:49 pm
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Is it really wise to attach a ball and chain to a person working near windows?

On an unrelated note, I have recently repaired the MK 1433.41 Improbability Drive that seemed to lie forgotten deep in the bowels of this restaurant/bar of a ship. So Walkop, you can stop pedaling if you want to.

I also internalized the speaker system of the drive, so we don't have to listen to it (unless you want to, in which case tune in to frequency 1.234 nHz.)

If I was mistaken in identifying the system belowdeck, then I announce that I have just built an Improbability Drive and installed it.
lmsmi1 - Sun Aug 28, 2011 2:56 pm
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Well, this place is going good. I have an apparent disliking for the chimps over there. Because they stole my Vaygr Water when I was on duty.
ALC - Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:09 pm
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Sagyxil wrote:
Is it really wise to attach a ball and chain to a person working near windows?
There Are No Windows In The Bar Sir —informed the Head Waiter.

Was That An Infinite Improbability Drive, Or A Finite Probability Drive?

@lmsmi1
Don't Worry About It, Employee. One Of The Perks Of Employment Here Is An Infinite Number Of Free Refills, As Long As You Are On Duty.
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:17 am
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Oh, jolly good day then. Very Happy
Sagyxil - Mon Aug 29, 2011 1:38 am
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Quote:
Was That An Infinite Improbability Drive, Or A Finite Probability Drive?
Just to be cheeky, I wrote "Indefinite" Un-probability Drive on the box of decaff toffee (you were out of coffee and tea at time, so I had to make do with what I had.)

One chimp's head seemed to implode (must have been a robot) upon seeing the name I gave it.

It is therefore of the Indefinite series of drives.
ALC - Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:18 pm
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Ah, you're annoying the chimps by confusing them. That's good, keeps them on their toes.
lmsmi1 - Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:54 pm
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Yes, indeed. They need to be aware in case of a fire.
ALC - Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:04 pm
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lmsmi1 immediately gets drenched by a vast quantity of very chilly water. in a short burst.
This occurrence is comforting for two reasons.
1. Due to the highly efficient fire extinguishing system there is no likelihood whatsoever of any occurrence of fire in the Complex Bar and Grill.
2. It may be inferred from the first reason that the health of all patrons will be protected from any occurrence of passive smoking.
lmsmi1 - Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:06 am
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Swoosh. lmsmi1 gets soaked.
johnsonfreeful - Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:47 pm
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A black hooded man enters the establishment, wearing a sharp looking scythe in his left hand, he delivered a rather strange picture. As he was standing in the entrance, he spoke with a voice, coming straight from hell: „It’s me, death!“
The man rises his hand to the level, where normally a mouth had its place and coughs
„Could i have a drink? A hole battleship just blew up into little pieces and I had to search fort he leftovers of the bodies to bring them to Hell. It’s such an unforgiving job.“
He slowly walks to the waiters desk, „Erm, what do you have on strong drinks, don’t worry, I’m already dead, so you can bring out the big guns.“
ALC - Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:00 pm
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Death glances at the interloper:
"I BELIEVE YOU MAY BE HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS"

There are many aspects of Death —the interloper being just another one of them— all around the universe, everywhere, everywhen.

Death re-absorbs the interloper and the two entities merge with an audiableless swoosh.
"AH, THAT'S BETTER" said Death "AND NOW THE MATTER OF THAT DRINK"
(Something small was still missing..., something very small...)


Barkeep, who had been leaning it's chin upon it's hand watching with feigned interest perked up. Certainly Sir. Perhaps a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, a double. You must have a terrible headache after such an absorption er, process. And if you don't have a headache, the PGGB will likely give you one. Um, smacznego–enjoy.

[The chimps hadn't even bothered to look up...]
ALC - Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:04 pm
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[Somewhere int he background there was a rustling sound and another rat expired. Greebo, the Bar & Grill cat emerged from the shadows, strolling silently away towards other shadows. He wore a satisfied grin]

"S QUEAK" said the Deat h of Rats.
lmsmi1 - Thu Sep 01, 2011 1:14 pm
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OMG!!! Double Poster!!! ALERT! ALERT! ALC IS A DOUBLE POSTER!!! -alarm goes off-
ALC - Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:25 pm
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Bar Rules Are For Patrons Only Sir.
And Please Don't Shout So Loudly, It Annoys The Dentrasi.
lmsmi1 - Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:43 pm
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Oh. . .lmsmi1 realizes the circumstances. . .
ALC - Fri Sep 02, 2011 1:16 am
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Thea would be the Employee Ball and Chain attached to lmsmi1's ankle.

lmsmi2 entered the bar —glanced a moment quizzically at lmsmi1— and ordered a Hagrabiscuit to go and a fizzy water substitute. lmsmi2 then exited after finishing the drink.

lmsmi3 entered the bar —glanced a moment quizzically at lmsmi1— and ordered a Hagrabiscuit to go and a fizzy water substitute. lmsmi2 then exited after finishing the drink.

lmsmi4 entered the bar —glanced a moment quizzically at lmsmi1— and ordered a Hagrabiscuit to go and a fizzy water substitute. lmsmi2 then exited after finishing the drink.

etc, itd, jne, etc.............

"Oh Dear" said the Head Waiter "It Would Appear That The Elevator Has Become Stuck In A Loop Again. It Always Happens When The Position Of Elevator Operations Engineer Is Vacant."

[It is a well known and popular fact that elevators become annoyed when they are left unattended and have been known to stop working altogether, sometimes with patrons inside them. This is all of course impossible.]
lmsmi1 - Fri Sep 02, 2011 3:21 am
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clones? lol
ALC - Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:53 pm
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"Clones Sir." said the Head Waiter "One Must Beware Of Overusing The Elevators."

.

"The Clones Do Of Course Have A Short Half Life."
lmsmi1 - Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:19 pm
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Oh. lol how long would that be?
ALC - Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:21 am
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"Long Enough To Order A Drink It Would Appear, Sir" said the Head Waiter.
lmsmi1 - Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:26 am
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Hmm. . .I assume they're quite thirsty.
ALC - Mon Sep 05, 2011 11:13 pm
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"It Is The Cloning Process, And The Peanuts, Sir. Very Dehydrating" said the Head Waiter.
lmsmi1 - Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:48 am
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Odd. I'm rather thirsty. Could I please get a shot of Brisk Lemon Flavored Tea?
ALC - Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:00 am
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To Be Thirsty In A Bar Is, Appropriate Sir.
Would Sir Care To Join The Queue For The Modified Tea Vending Machines....

[Head Waiter gestures to an infinitely long queue leading to a strangely close not quite so infinite number of vending machines somewhere in the middle distance]
lmsmi1 - Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:12 am
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Sure. . .
ALC - Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:15 am
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[Some of the queue's more skeletal occupants appear to have lost rather a lot of weight. Doesn't hurt to be a queue jumper round here perhaps...]

EDIT: Visitors to the Bar are always on topic
ALC - Thu Sep 08, 2011 5:12 pm
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That's the trouble with queueueueueueueueueueueueueueueueueueueues...

...they can last a long time, sometimes.
lmsmi1 - Sat Sep 10, 2011 12:49 am
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Peculiar. . .one of the chimps has seemed to leave the Complex Bar And Grill and has gone to the dump. Very Happy
ALC - Sat Sep 10, 2011 1:06 am
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To dump some garbage presumably.
Some of the chimps are in the Janitors & General Dogsbody Specialists Union.
lmsmi1 - Sat Sep 10, 2011 1:44 am
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Perhaps he was just going to visit.
ALC - Sun Sep 11, 2011 11:50 pm
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Doubtful Sir. said the Head Waiter.
The Chimpanzees Are Serious Patrons, And Would Never Waste Their Time On Frivolities.
I Believe They Are At Present Working On A Unified Field Theory. In A Random Fashion, Naturally.
ALC - Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:01 pm
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Announcing
F R E E . D R I N K S
With every meaningful order of Oompaloompa Burger©®™ with cheese.
Offer runs until 01.10
lmsmi1 - Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:25 pm
Post subject:
Can I get an Oompaloompa Burger with cheese? And for the drink I will have a Dr. Pepper.

EDIT: Hey Sagyxil, could you take a look at
Only registered users can see links on this board!
Get registred or enter the forums!
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Sagyxil - Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:31 am
Post subject:
Sorry, a chimp stuck an iPad (at least, that is what I am hoping that is) in my ear. Did you say you freed the rinks?
ALC - Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:21 pm
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@lmsmi1
Certainly Sir. One Dr. P and one Oopmacheeseburger.

A small hinged lead box was placed on the table in front of lmsmi1.
And a drink.

[Several patrons quietly left the nearby tables].

.

Sagyxil wrote:
Did you say you freed the rinks?
Yes Sir. That's exactly what we said. But do watch out for the crocodiles.

[.lua scripting code was busily arranging itself on the iPad presently stuck in Sagyxil's ear. A chimp wearing a Homeworld 2Fest '03 T-shirt began writing it down on a beer mat].
lmsmi1 - Thu Sep 29, 2011 1:12 pm
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This place seems dead. . .
ALC - Thu Sep 29, 2011 3:05 pm
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Head Waiter appears...

Dead Sir.
No Sir.
Stasis Bubble Sir. Everyone Is Alive, Though Moving In Different Time Frames, I Assure Sir, Though They May Appear To Be Quite Dead.

Head Waiter pauses for a moment...

Although The Dentrasi At the Far End Of The Bar Was Never Alive Sir, Which Is Not Quite The Same As Being Dead.

Another pause...

Would Sir Care For A Beverage?
A Cheesy Snack Perhaps?
ALC - Thu Sep 29, 2011 3:05 pm
Post subject:
Head Waiter appears...

Dead Sir.
No Sir.
Stasis Bubble Sir. Everyone Is Alive, Though Moving In Different Time Frames, I Assure Sir, Though They May Appear To Be Quite Dead.

Head Waiter pauses for a moment...

Although The Dentrasi At the Far End Of The Bar Was Never Alive Sir, Which Is Not Quite The Same As Being Dead.

Another pause...

Would Sir Care For A Beverage?
A Cheesy Snack Perhaps?

EDIT: Hmm, an interesting glitch there, creating a Stereo Post, both with the same time —this is all of course impossible!
Sagyxil - Thu Sep 29, 2011 8:09 pm
Post subject:
...er, what?

Seems one of the chimps stuck an iPhone in my other ear; couldn't hear a thing (except when the chimps got a phone call, obviously.)

What is the connection between with chimps and Macintosh products?
ALC - Thu Sep 29, 2011 10:09 pm
Post subject:
Sagyxil wrote:
What is the connection between with chimps and Macintosh products?
They must own all the shares...
ALC - Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:13 pm
Post subject:
The Head Waiter doesn't wait long for patrons who are indecisive, but hands the job down the food chain. Zathras, the Trainee-Ünterwaiter appeared beside lmsmi1.

Zathras waitsforouroderSir, Zathras knowshowtowait, Zathras hasalwaysbeenwaiting, hereandthere...

Bar patrons of course always Stay On Topic, and order meekly when a waiter appears and stands beside them for a few days tapping their order-writing-pen.
lmsmi1 - Mon Oct 03, 2011 7:27 pm
Post subject:
Say, didn't that chimp drink water a lot?
ALC - Tue Oct 04, 2011 1:08 am
Post subject:
The Trainee-Ünterwaiter looked quizzically at lmsmi1.

"Zathras not know aboutchimps. Chimpsare strangelot.
Zathras knowsaboutdrinks. Most drinks contain mostlywater. Helps with barprofits."

The Trainee-Ünterwaiter nervously eyed the small hinged lead box on the table in front of lmsmi1.

"Zathras mustgonow. Many customerswaiting..."
[A tumbleweed rolled quietly past in the deathly quiet bar…]
"Zathras sure Sir willenjoy Oopmacheeseburger…"

Waiters have a knack of disappearing fast under certain conditions.
Sagyxil - Tue Oct 04, 2011 5:52 am
Post subject:
Quote:
Waiters have a knack of disappearing fast under certain conditions.
...most noticeably in the presence of dangerous substances.

[looks off in the distance]...the chimps are receiving a call from the door mouse.

It sounds important.
lmsmi1 - Tue Oct 04, 2011 3:58 pm
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I hope they don't come get me again. . .
ALC - Tue Oct 04, 2011 5:55 pm
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"IT WON'T BE LONG NOW" said Death, glancing at the hinged lead box which lay on the table beside lmsmi1.
lmsmi1 - Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:15 pm
Post subject:
-lmsmi1 is confused and frightened at the same time. . .he has mixed feelings now. . .-
ALC - Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:41 pm
Post subject:
The Trainee-Ünterwaiter Zathras—who just happened to be passing—said
"Perhaps Sir mightopen the leadbox and eat the burger thatSir ordered..."

[...it is a well known fact in certain areas of the multiverse that Oompaloompa Burgers are in fact harmless once eaten. However until they are eaten, they decay at an alarming rate and produce noxious smells, rather like an old cheese made of boots...]
[...it is also well known that Oompaloompa burgers are not in face made of squished Oompaloompas, but are made by the Dentrasi under licence from the Oompaloompa Corp. This does not affect their taste...]

lmsmi1 - Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:55 pm
Post subject:
Hey, here's a thought. Whoever thought an egg would be good to eat?
Sagyxil - Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:01 am
Post subject:
...the same person who tried to eat the chicken?
ALC - Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:58 pm
Post subject:
A chicken and egg situation.
lmsmi1 - Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:15 pm
Post subject:
ALC is correct. Although. Sagyxil is right too. . .there are 2 right answers! Yay!
ALC - Thu Oct 06, 2011 11:37 pm
Post subject:
SQUEAK! said the Death Of Rats as it nodded to the Door Mouse—not even Death (in any of its iterations) could catch up with the temporally gifted Door Mouse—and buisied itself with processing a very surprised chimp which had been non-accidentally electrocuted by an iPad set on overload.
lmsmi1 - Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:36 am
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Ah, what you guys come up with is hilarious! Door Mouse. . .lol! XD
ALC - Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:55 am
Post subject:
The iPad in question suddenly came flying towards lmsmi1 at eye level...

To duck or not to duck, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler int he mind to suffer the slings and blows of spinning iPads
or to duck, and by such opposing, avoid them...

[the trouble with chimps is that they were always somewhat hit and miss when it came to accurate Hamletising]
lmsmi1 - Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:12 am
Post subject:
And once again, lmsmi1 asks the Barkeep for another drink:

Orange Gatorade with a lime on the glass.
ALC - Fri Oct 07, 2011 5:43 pm
Post subject:
One Orange Gatorade duly arrives in a glass with a nice green image of a lime on it.
lmsmi1 - Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:22 pm
Post subject:
Ahh. . .refreshing. Thanks barkeep.
ALC - Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:56 pm
Post subject:
The Complex Bar & Grill security camera recorded the glint of the green Lime Inc logo on the side of lmsmi1's glass as lmsmi1 lifted it...
lmsmi1 - Sat Oct 08, 2011 1:31 am
Post subject:
Then. . .the camera suddenly leaps from the wall and chases lmsmi1 out of the bar. . .
ALC - Sat Oct 08, 2011 1:35 am
Post subject:
...gotta watch out for the Bar & Grill cyber-borg spiders. They are, Mostly Harmless.

Just remember, Don't Panic Exclamation Wink Idea Mr. Green
lmsmi1 - Sat Oct 08, 2011 1:49 am
Post subject:
lmsmi1 returns to the bar with a slightly torn shirt. . .and a roughly ripped pear of pants. . .he says:

"I just. . .I just. . .RAN HALF A MILE TO GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!!!"
ALC - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:06 am
Post subject:
In That Case You Will Need A Drink Sir, said the Head Waiter as he passed by.
lmsmi1 - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:08 am
Post subject:
So true. Barkeep, can I get another orange gatorade with a lime slice?
ALC - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:32 am
Post subject:
"Zathras willbringyourGatorade now Sir"
"Please be taking a seat..."
lmsmi1 - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:36 am
Post subject:
Oh I will take a seat all right. *lmsmi1 runs out of the bar with a bar stool*
ALC - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:38 am
Post subject:
"Smithers...."
"....release the hounds...."
lmsmi1 - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:39 am
Post subject:
*lmsmi1 screams outside the bar and grill* (Sagyxil and ALC are laughing)
Sagyxil - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:51 pm
Post subject:
I can't hear anything (Apple products are in my ears). So the laughter was simply lmsmi1's paranoid imagination.

After reading the story from my mental link with the iPad, I simply state, "Noisy." And continue editing code.
lmsmi1 - Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:59 pm
Post subject:
Once again Sagyxil. . .once again. . .lol
ALC - Mon Oct 10, 2011 5:50 pm
Post subject:
A Bugblatter Beast of Trall did hear the noises of lmsmi1's meeting with the hounds and considered it a potential meal opportunity...
lmsmi1 - Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:37 pm
Post subject:
*lmsmi1 leaves the bar and grill and comes back with a laptop. He start to mod Homeworld 2. . .*
ALC - Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:42 pm
Post subject:
Games aren't allowed in the bar.
Laptops aren't allowed either. It annoys the chimps.

Only iPads are allowed. Mr. Green
lmsmi1 - Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:44 pm
Post subject:
Lol. Those chimps seem like they run the place. . .
ALC - Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:51 pm
Post subject:
They do, in a manner of speaking.
lmsmi1 - Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:18 pm
Post subject:
Seems as speaking, isn't Rowdy modding a game over there on his Ipad 2?
ALC - Tue Oct 11, 2011 6:59 pm
Post subject:
Naaah, he's probably deriving the spelling of 'Hamlet' using a random word generator.
lmsmi1 - Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:23 pm
Post subject:
Lol.. What about Inky? Isn't he drinking ink from a pen over there?
ALC - Tue Oct 11, 2011 10:59 pm
Post subject:
Hey, Inky's just one of the Guys, you know. His private Brain Care Specialist has thought him how to meditate whilst drinking from a pen (the pen actually contains uisce, a water substitute). It helps him to be creative apparently.
lmsmi1 - Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:27 pm
Post subject:
So if he is so creative. . .why doesn't he paint stuff or draw stuff?
ALC - Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:33 pm
Post subject:
The chimps are very single-minded. They only work on working out a script for Hamlet. They have always been working on it, in infinite numbers.
It is an eternal project..... / ....t—>∞ *

*t=time.
lmsmi1 - Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:35 pm
Post subject:
Perhaps Icky is learning to become a Jedi.
ALC - Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:44 pm
Post subject:
Inky jumps up in a screeching chimpanzeesque fit and attempts to remove lmsmi1's eyes (Inky collects eyes, helps him to see better apparently).
Zathras appears, and fends off Inky by offering him an even later version of the iPad (new ones keep appearing all the time, it seems). The chimp forgets about extracting eyes, due largely to a low attention span and a likeness for shiny objects, and immediately sets about reverse engineering the new eye Mr. Green Pad (heh).

Zathras turns to the lmsmi1
"Sir mustbevery careful. Chimps not like having their names mispronounced..."
lmsmi1 - Sat Oct 22, 2011 2:29 pm
Post subject:
Well, I am sorry Mr. Green .
ALC - Sun Jan 01, 2012 12:23 pm
Post subject:
• The Complex Bar & Grill •
Wishes everyone a Happy New Year, with free drinks all round and Happy Modding 2012 Very Happy
Sagyxil - Sun Jan 01, 2012 3:09 pm
Post subject:
And this year, bear in mind the thoughts of the Dolphin of Delphi:
[series of high pitched squeals and chittering.]
ALC - Sun Jan 01, 2012 8:13 pm
Post subject:
And the ramblings of the ever chatty chimps...
lmsmi1 - Tue Jan 03, 2012 5:43 am
Post subject:
Hi everyone! Say, this place seems a bit dusty lately. Not much activity at all. I assume this is because of the holidays. . .I hope Very Happy
ALC - Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:48 pm
Post subject:
Happy NY. You missed the open bar! Still, there is always next NY.
lmsmi1 - Sun Jan 08, 2012 1:46 am
Post subject:
Well well, I see that everyone is still here. How IS Complex 8 coming along?
Slashes-With-Claws - Sat Feb 04, 2012 1:13 am
Post subject:
Greetings all. I have not been here in a long time, my last post was back in October of 2008. I just happened to remember this mod today and stopped by to see if anything was happening and I see that 8.0 is getting ready to release! I will definitely have to download that.
ALC - Sat Feb 04, 2012 8:38 pm
Post subject:
Greetings, and welcome back to the fold.
bills6693 - Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:08 pm
Post subject:
wow, look at these bar prices! I know I should have gotten my 'complex discount card' while they were still on offer...
ALC - Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:39 pm
Post subject:
Yes. The high prices are on account of the global recession. We are trying to re-build the world by over charging for everything. It's kind of the opposite of a promotion. Not sure if it works as a marketing strategy though.
lmsmi1 - Sat Mar 03, 2012 3:45 pm
Post subject:
Can I get a...wait...what's that?!

*Chimp walks by lmsmi1*

I thought they left here a long time ago!
Sagyxil - Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:51 pm
Post subject:
They've just been very quiet over in their booths.

Also, they had a cone of silence around them.
ALC - Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:46 pm
Post subject:
And they own most of the shares in the bar.
ALC - Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:57 pm
Post subject: CB&G receives a second Magrathean Star!
CB&G receives a second Magrathean Star for culinary yumminess!

Yes! The inspectorate arrived, ate, darn, had a few meetings, accepted an incentive, left, filed its report in quadruplicate, and, after a respectable pause, awarded the second star.

CB&G is now a 2 Star facility.


All prices have been revised upwards accordingly Smile
ALC - Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:02 pm
Post subject: Re: CB&G receives a second Magrathean Star!


Get registred or enter the forums!


CB&G
•• H A P P Y . St. P A T R I C K'S . D A Y ••

Special all week
— FREE green H2O —

bills6693 - Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:32 pm
Post subject:
Very Happy yay!

Haha forgot you're irish ALC! (or do you just live there? Or have you lied?) :p
Sagyxil - Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:23 pm
Post subject:
By Green H20, do you mean the dihydrogen oxide is colored green, spatial friendly or full of photosynthetic algae?
bills6693 - Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:20 pm
Post subject:
The H2O is inexperienced I believe...
ALC - Mon Mar 19, 2012 1:42 pm
Post subject:
Sagyxil wrote:
By Green H20, do you mean the dihydrogen oxide is colored green, spatial friendly or full of photosynthetic algae?


bills6693 wrote:
The H2O is inexperienced I believe...


Hmm, good guesses.
Actually our H20 is rather more mundane than that, merely the addition of a simple vegetable dye, to achieve the greening effect.

@Bills —definitely Irish.
bills6693 - Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:36 pm
Post subject:
well, its not H2o then, is it? its been contaminated...
ALC - Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:49 am
Post subject:
bills6693 wrote:
its been contaminated...
Only with green stuff...
It's still "cough" safe.
...
Have some... Mr. Green Mr. Green Mr. Green
bills6693 - Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:22 am
Post subject:
the vending machine had a fault and now I have been given a ton of chocolate bars for free... but then the monkeys stole them so Sad

(the vending machine at uni did actually just give me 11 free buenos...)
ALC - Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:34 am
Post subject:
Ah, looks like the Hagrabiscuit Vending Machine needs it's software security upgrade again. It's Belcerebonian hacker worms, they tunnel into the machine and eat the software protocols...

As to the monkeys, they're just playing the percentages —swap them bananas for the chocolate bars Wink
lmsmi1 - Sat Mar 31, 2012 7:08 pm
Post subject:
Hello. ALC, am I allowed to talk to the monkeys? Or have they left?
ALC - Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:07 am
Post subject:
The chimps?
They've all gone to St. Lucia
Only registered users can see links on this board!
Get registred or enter the forums!
for the winter. You can catch them on the viz cast relay though, or through the Pattern Buffer on level 17.
Sagyxil - Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:51 pm
Post subject:
Then I suppose the chimp dancing merrily on my back is just my imagination?
(Though maybe it is an orangutan; certainly feels larger.)
ALC - Wed Apr 04, 2012 12:44 am
Post subject:
It could be The Vole —new waiter, we've been trying to train him. He has strong opinions about how to serve non-edible foods though.
Sagyxil - Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:22 am
Post subject:
Could please get him to remove the object from my left eye socket; it makes it very difficult to see the Code of the Universe I'm trying to fix.
(Curses, there goes another star.)
ALC - Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:03 pm
Post subject:
Oops, yes, the corkscrew — resembles an eyeball extractor — he gets confused about that sometimes.
Sagyxil - Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:01 am
Post subject:
Is he certified to use that?
ALC - Thu Apr 05, 2012 11:15 pm
Post subject:
To Ph.D level.
bills6693 - Thu Apr 05, 2012 11:47 pm
Post subject:
So, a bit underqualified then? Or did you mean he has a space-doctorate? Cause in this day and age, normal doctorates you can buy by the space-bucketload at the space-supermarket. Although the space-tax on Ph.Ds is quite high, you gotta be willing to pay the price. But maaaaan, is it worth it. Thats some fiiine doctorate right there, boy. Fiine doctorate. Try a whiff. Cmon, its not gonna bite.

Enough said.
ALC - Thu Apr 05, 2012 11:52 pm
Post subject:
Naah, the Hagrabiscuit®©™ vending machine sells Ph.Ds for AL$10 a pop, or free with each Babel Fish. But this level is good enough to get a job as a Post Doc Waiter in the CB&G. Just remember to duck as he walks past Wink
lmsmi1 - Sat Apr 07, 2012 7:38 pm
Post subject:
Hello? ALC, you still running this place, or did bills take over? (XD)
Sagyxil - Sat Apr 07, 2012 10:31 pm
Post subject:

Get registred or enter the forums!
...what makes you think bills has taken over?
lmsmi1 - Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:19 pm
Post subject:
Well, I saw a lot of posts by bills, and thought that he had taken over. (I don't know why I thought that for a sec...)
bills6693 - Sun Apr 08, 2012 9:16 am
Post subject:
i don't even post here that much... ha, this is ALC's joint, he's just out feeding the space-donkey, needed someone to run the bar for a bit...

Thats why he hired a space-bar-serving-robot.

Yeah, ha i've not taken over :p
lmsmi1 - Sun Apr 08, 2012 2:30 pm
Post subject:
Bills, what happened with SpaceCookie? Is he still around? His last visit was in February.
ALC - Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:41 pm
Post subject:
Um, are some of the patrons sewing the seeds of rebellion again...
Eyes lmsmi1

Cheap robot servers..., seems to have crashed. Uh, it's running vista.

Anyway, drinks anyone?
lmsmi1 - Tue Apr 10, 2012 1:16 am
Post subject:
Sure! Uhh...wait. Dang rehab! *insert fake crowd laugh here*
bills6693 - Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:24 am
Post subject:
kookie (its with a k, dammit!) is not really around on the forums but we talk a lot still, he has his own game in the making and is on an even harder uni course than I am. Although maybe he stopped by today, even if not logged in, cause he did say something to me on steam-chat about 'kookie with a k not a c' and I didn't know what he was referring to but I think it was you
lmsmi1 wrote:

SpaceCookie

lmsmi1 - Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:26 am
Post subject:
Well, I haven't seen him around in so long that I forgot how to spell his damn name.
bills6693 - Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:18 am
Post subject:
well you must have checked his profile to see when his last visit was, which would mean seeing his name...
ALC - Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:29 pm
Post subject:
lmsmi1 wrote:
damn
No swearing in the Bar & Grill —it upsets the chimps on account of their limited vocabulary.

Off topic patrons have to pay double for their drinks...

EDIT:
...unless the off topicness is good, in which case they get a discount Smile
Sagyxil - Wed Apr 11, 2012 12:21 am
Post subject:
It also annoys the Grand Sandwich Maker off in booth 42.

And that is one sandwich maker you don't wish to have angry with you.

ALC, remember what happened to Klexifoks, that primevean from Delator 6?
That was both a disturbing and yet interesting incident.
ALC - Wed Apr 11, 2012 12:38 am
Post subject:
Sagyxil wrote:
Grand Sandwich Maker off in booth 42.

And that is one sandwich maker you don't wish to have angry with you.

Indeed, said GSM makes all of the grub in the CB&G (and all the other virtual bars out there in the cosmic multiverse) including the vending machine —so be careful out there..

Sagyxil wrote:
remember what happened to Klexifoks, that primevean from Delator 6?
That was both a disturbing and yet interesting incident.
Er, [scratches head] um, remind me... Rolling Eyes ...or is that something I might regret, on account of how hideous it was (nothing to do with the Golgafrinchams was it, I wouldn't want to think it had anything to do with that, considering the goat and all...).
bills6693 - Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:33 pm
Post subject:
Sagyxil wrote:
That was both a disturbing and yet interesting incident.
Brought a whole new meaning to 'sandwich'. And a whole new colour to eight square meters of ceiling which had to be cleaned afterwards...
ALC - Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:50 pm
Post subject:
Cleaning bots will take care of that...
bills6693 - Wed Apr 11, 2012 10:09 pm
Post subject:
yeah, they did. Wouldn't now tho, not with all them new 'cleaning bots rights' movements which state that cleaning while clinging to a ceiling is mistretment of bot-ployees. Although I do think its right that they do get more, eh, rights...
ALC - Thu Apr 12, 2012 12:04 am
Post subject:
We use non-union bots here, though they do 'clean' the odd customer who happens to be in a "Cleansing Zone" at the wrong time [Gestures to an area with an orange plastic ribbon around it], it's worth it (the insurance claims) for the lack of regulation. The other upside is that any 'cleaning bots rights' activist who happen to stray in end up being 'cleaned' into the spare parts re-cyc...
Dornhal - Sun Apr 15, 2012 7:28 pm
Post subject:
I could use a stiff, fizzy drink that tastes exotic...
ALC - Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:16 pm
Post subject:
Ahh. Sir, You should try a Frosted GreenyBlue®©™
The finest...

[Places on the counter a tall glass full of a green-blue semi-present liquid, a soft grey baskervillesque mist wafting over its surface. Tetrahedral bubbles coalesced about midway within the body of the liquid and began a slow steady ascent toward the surface. It was indeed, a seriously imbibable DRINK]
bills6693 - Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:12 am
Post subject:
yay i'm back Smile and have all my sea-pay to spend on your overpriced products!
ALC - Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:59 pm
Post subject:
Excelent!

The CB&G always has a warm welcome for those with lots of spending power.
We may not be cheapest, but we are the best!
Mr. Green
I got BC'ed - Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:59 pm
Post subject:
*A burly man walks into the room. He has a plasma burn on the left side of his face, and a Sobani tattoo on his wrist. He is me.

Barkeeper I need a beer, and a stratagy to kill dem stricker corvettes.
ALC - Mon Apr 30, 2012 12:04 am
Post subject:
One beer Sir....
[and whispers quietly]
You seek Yoodle, the wisest of the strategy chimps...,
...second table on the left, opposite the Hagrabiscuit vending machine.
I got BC'ed - Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:41 pm
Post subject:
Chimp stratagists ey?
*Speaks to chimp. Chimp suggests Sweeper Destroyers.
*drinks half the beer, then pours the other half down his face to smooth his plasma burn.

what do I owe you for the beer?
ALC - Wed May 02, 2012 12:18 pm
Post subject:
Four Billion Altarian Dollars please — and make it quick, before they start tomorrow's print run!
I got BC'ed - Wed May 02, 2012 4:28 pm
Post subject:
can I pawn you my car, I can't afford that on a Captin's salary.
ALC - Thu May 03, 2012 12:59 am
Post subject:
Sure. The car park's already full of an infinite number of cars – one more should fit in nicely.
I got BC'ed - Thu May 03, 2012 4:41 pm
Post subject:
Here- *Tosses the keys to his car to the barkeeper. The keyring is a hiigaran wings symbol, the keys for the Pride of Hiigara.
Sagyxil - Thu May 03, 2012 6:55 pm
Post subject:
Another one of those coalescing time splits...huh.
Another one of those coalescing time splits...huh.
Another one of those coalescing time splits...huh.
Thought I fixed those.
Thought I fixed those.
Thought I fixed those.
I got BC'ed - Thu May 03, 2012 8:42 pm
Post subject:
whu?
ALC - Fri May 04, 2012 12:40 am
Post subject:
Time is positively circular in a multidimensional way in the car park, where there are an infinite number of Pride of Hiigaras..., all in various stages of being parked.
I got BC'ed - Fri May 04, 2012 7:41 am
Post subject:
I found mine in orbit of a black hole, watch out, she rusts.

another beer please.
ALC - Fri May 04, 2012 3:14 pm
Post subject:
[does a quick calculation]
That'll be five point two Billion Altarian Dollars please
I got BC'ed - Fri May 04, 2012 5:24 pm
Post subject:
C'Mon, I just handed you the keys to a 2
mile long state of the art star ship. that has to be worth a couple of beers.
ALC - Fri May 04, 2012 6:04 pm
Post subject:
Deeply sorry sir, but as you can see the car park already has an infinite number of Pride of Higaras. There's just no demand for them these days.

Uh, looks like the Altarians are printing more dollars again...

Now, if you had some Terran peanuts you would be able to exchange them with the foreign exchange chimp for a really good rate.
I got BC'ed - Fri May 04, 2012 6:12 pm
Post subject:
If you give me back my keys, I'll get the penuts out of the mess. Exchange them for alterian dollars and pay for my beers with money, and keep my prized possession.
ALC - Fri May 04, 2012 6:29 pm
Post subject:
Keys?
Oh, they're gone into the system now. You'll need to fill a form out to apply to buy them back. Very complex ( Mr. Green ). Very bureaucratic. You need to see the one called Zathras about that —he works here occasionally— and he'll advise you.
For the present better just break into the ship, or you could use the teleporter.
I got BC'ed - Fri May 04, 2012 7:20 pm
Post subject:
*smashes a window on the Pride. Hotwire's the core. Jumps out.

...

Jumps back 2days later, holds full of penuts, due to the circular nature of the car park no time has passed in the bar.

trades in the penuts for the entire wealth of the alterian empire,
Pays for the first beer, and the second.

"Barkeeper, can you recomend a bodyshop?"
Sagyxil - Sat May 05, 2012 12:15 am
Post subject:
Generic "penuts" aren't in demand right now; you need Terran "Peanuts".
I got BC'ed - Sat May 05, 2012 4:00 pm
Post subject:
I had Peanuts, however my character, much like myself cannot spell. "anyway where's that beer? "
ALC - Wed May 09, 2012 1:35 am
Post subject:
I got BC'ed wrote:
trades in the penuts for the entire wealth of the alterian empire

Hmmm.
Naaah.
Tisk tisk.
You see, what you have there is your common Altairian junk bond. On account of your being a 'penut trader' you see. It's peanuts that the chimps like, and they are rather particular about it. Penuts aren't worth the paper they're made out of, a bit like those bonds of yours.
That bond's worth nothing more than its combustible output in BTUs, which is, not a lot.

Still, it's your luck day beerwise though —SLURP®©™ FIZZ-I Beer is on promotion today...
Free samples all round.

[Serves a steaming glass of hot SLURP®©™ FIZZ-I Beer]
I got BC'ed - Wed May 09, 2012 7:48 am
Post subject:
Hey this beer's so old there's a HW1 label on it!
Are you just clearing out your beer cellar?
ALC - Wed May 09, 2012 3:25 pm
Post subject:
Course it's old, it's Vintage Beer Cool Cool Cool - the best that can be grown in the caves of Squirm - [holds glass up to the light] see how cloudy it is, cloudiness like that doesn't come without real time being put in.
Njoy!
I got BC'ed - Wed May 09, 2012 4:11 pm
Post subject:
Well beer shouldn't taste like dusty vinegar.
ALC - Thu May 10, 2012 12:54 am
Post subject:
Vinegar!?
Sir is not chewing it properly Mr. Green
I got BC'ed - Thu May 10, 2012 7:57 am
Post subject:
lol.

give me newer beer please.

(hands ALC a wad of money)
bills6693 - Fri May 11, 2012 3:00 pm
Post subject:
ALC, maybe if you didn't grill the beer...
I got BC'ed - Fri May 11, 2012 5:44 pm
Post subject:
Grilled beer huh?

I'd like to try that.
ALC - Sun May 13, 2012 8:10 pm
Post subject:
I got BC'ed wrote:
lol.
give me newer beer please.
(hands ALC a wad of money)
[Chucks wad of money into the fire]One newly grilled beer Sir.
Grilling it brings out the subtlties in the flavour.
ALC - Fri May 25, 2012 12:15 am
Post subject:
ANNOUNCEMENT!
The Annual Zero Grav Golf Masters tournament will be starting shortly in Car Park 16.
I got BC'ed - Fri May 25, 2012 12:36 pm
Post subject:
count me in
*Sips Grilled Beer Money*
ALC - Fri May 25, 2012 6:24 pm
Post subject:
Excellent Sir.
Head for the door marked "16" and take a ticket.
bills6693 - Fri May 25, 2012 7:31 pm
Post subject:
*silence*
I got BC'ed - Fri May 25, 2012 10:20 pm
Post subject:
one question.
How do you atop the ball flying off in 0 g golf?
Sagyxil - Sat May 26, 2012 2:01 pm
Post subject:
Quote:
How do you atop the ball flying off in 0 g golf?
Bungee cord.
A wall.
Apply advanced Vogon bureaucracy procedures to the ball's velocity.
ALC - Sun May 27, 2012 8:32 pm
Post subject:
I got BC'ed wrote:
one question.
How do you atop the ball flying off in 0 g golf?
Space is very curved in Car Park 16, and the golf balls there are small moons (actually the same ones used for billiards over in 19).
I got BC'ed - Mon May 28, 2012 7:33 am
Post subject:
oh right Confused
sound's... deadly
ALC - Tue May 29, 2012 12:43 am
Post subject:
Naah, you just need to know when to duck.
OneOfOne - Mon Aug 06, 2012 12:28 am
Post subject:
Buys a Hagrabiscuit with extra mustard and sits down in an unfashionable corner, testing things on its iPad.

.

.

A drink appears in due course.
Testsubjkt9 - Mon Aug 06, 2012 12:34 am
Post subject:
TS9 enters and sits down.
Hmm, place is empty tonight... ...a good time for testing.

whips out an eye pad and attaches it to the left eye then activates an iPad.

A game of chess seems likely.
ALC - Wed Aug 08, 2012 12:03 am
Post subject:
Maintenance just installed one of these.

Only registered users can see links on this board!
Get registred or enter the forums!

bills6693 - Sun Aug 12, 2012 1:59 am
Post subject:
breakitbreakitbreakitbreakitbreakitbreakit
ALC - Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:49 am
Post subject:
Fsssst.

Reboot.

Click.

...

online.

Welcome to Bar & Grill OS Smile

Would you like a drink Sir?
DamianAre95 - Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:13 pm
Post subject:
Iwouldneedsomedrinktochilloutalittlebit. What do you have? It is said that people here is lefthanded.
ALC - Mon Dec 17, 2012 9:59 pm
Post subject:
The waiter approaches.

Greetings Sir.
May I recommend to Sir a nice cool glass of chilled Oxygen Dyhydride? Cool Cool Cool
We do a particularly fine vintage here, all the way from a planet called Earth - a dull name, but a fine drink.
DamianAre95 - Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:37 pm
Post subject:
Yes Sir, it will be great and why not adding some, hmm, trioxide of uranium? A little bit radiactive, but cool to enhance bra¡n. It is a belief that this makes the best modellers ever.
ALC - Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:00 am
Post subject:
Uranium Trioxide.
Certainly Sir...

...Ahem. Sir will tend to glow a bit in the dark after imbibing the concoction. Do read the instructions first.

[Service bot serves the drink - a greeny-glowing drink with a blue cloudy effervescence] Cool
ALC - Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:32 am
Post subject:
Maintenance operatives are always invisible. They enter, maintain things, leave. Nothing is disturbed. (Rather like IT support Shocked ). Presently, the current Maintenance operatives brought in a small blue pine tree-like plant life form, adorned it with little decorations, a few multicoloured lights, plugged it in and switched it on. The operatives then disappeared back to where they came from.
DamianAre95 - Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:03 am
Post subject:
Drink already swallowed. I'm starting to feel like... Oh... [Starts to vomit and his normal countenance turns into white. Something really akward makes him bright.]

Sorry I haven't read the instructions. Rolling Eyes In spite of this I have been given some dimes due to my new, impressive, and "interesting" feature. Hehe. Thanks Laughing
ALC - Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:22 am
Post subject:
DamianAre95 wrote:
Sorry I haven't read the instructions.
This does of course invalidate Sir's insurance policy.
DamianAre95 - Wed Dec 19, 2012 8:23 pm
Post subject:
You told me after the incident!
lazer72 - Thu Dec 20, 2012 7:56 am
Post subject:
Do you sell anti-typo Galactic Piza?
I herd teh tippings arrrrrrgh literally mind-blowing
Laughing

Stupid Stranger Next To Me: 'Do you mind if I smoke?'

Me:'I wouldn't care if you burned'
Shocked
ALC - Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:16 pm
Post subject:
DamianAre95 wrote:
You told me after the incident!
Sir will realise that it's everyone for themselves in here. The skeleton at the bar will tell Sir that Sir can't drink anything in here without reference to the instruction manual.
ALC - Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:20 pm
Post subject:
lazer72 wrote:
Do you sell anti-typo Galactic Piza?
I herd teh tippings arrrrrrgh literally mind-blowing

Sir ought to visit the Hagrabiscuit vending machine and look up the index under Babelpizza, it is below Babelfish.

[Stranger next to Lazer bursts into flame and evaporates].
[Somewhere, a chimp can be heard cogitating].
DamianAre95 - Thu Dec 20, 2012 2:00 pm
Post subject:
The collateral effects of having drunk that drink are:

Increase of Intelligent.
Decrease of height.
Get slimmer.
Increase in head's width.
Growth of Eyes.
Get greenish.

I'm getting accustomed to this, in spite of being a phenomenon Sad Perhaps you could asociate me with a kind of an extraterrial being. Think Wink

I can take advatange of this.

Otherwise, next time I will read all the instruction sir.
lazer72 - Thu Dec 20, 2012 6:55 pm
Post subject:
Uranium Trioxide....suggest invent new colloquial term 'Alien Maker'.

Hagrabiscuit vending machine is faulty, managed to suck what's left of my brains out and then gave me the Piza, this is unacceptable. The Piza was rotten.

Crying or Very sad
ALC - Fri Dec 21, 2012 1:05 am
Post subject:
What does Sir suppose the pizza is made of?
Brains in.
Pizza out.

Simple. Mr. Green
lazer72 - Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:12 pm
Post subject:
ALC wrote:
What does Sir suppose the pizza is made of?
Brains in.
Pizza out.

Simple. Mr. Green
Ah! now I understand, or rather I don't now that I don't have a brain anymore.
It was turned into a Piza.

And then I ate it. Mr. Green
ALC - Fri Dec 21, 2012 11:09 pm
Post subject:
The trick of course is to eat the pizza in the correct bit order.
This will ensure that it's molecules are assimilated in the right sequence so as to restore normal higher brain function.
This will enable you to find your car again when you return to the car park.

(Parking is of course not free)
ALC - Mon Dec 24, 2012 10:56 pm
Post subject:
...[A big man in a red suit breaks in to the Bar and Grill ion a sleigh pulled by a cluster of savage megareindeer. The sleigh smashes through the restaurant area before grinding to a halt near the little blue tree. The red guy jumps off, places a small matt black box beneath the tree, jumps back on and the sleigh speeds away again, through another window]...

[Service bots appear and begin to repair the damage].
DrysonB - Wed Dec 26, 2012 6:42 pm
Post subject:
A Taiidan and Vagyr walk into a Hiigaran bar.....
lazer72 - Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:43 pm
Post subject:
*The matt black box under the tree starts humming and vibrating as if some untold secret lies within....*
ALC - Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:33 am
Post subject:
[A service Bot trundles into view, retrieves the active black box and places it into the CB&G control slot. A random chimp enters a 64 digit password and a holo-progress bar appears, slowly extending from right to left...

...eventually the bar software upgrade completes with a message:
Please reboot your ACME (Insert Name Here) Bar and Grill OS to complete the upgrade process.

The chimp jumps up and down screeching (in the way that chimps do) and hits the reboot button.
ALC - Thu Dec 27, 2012 12:38 am
Post subject:
Pitch blackness.

10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
.
.
.

Light returns to reveal a newer, slightly brighter, a bit faster, less dusty cornered CB&G with marginally more comfortable seats and shinier tables. Unfortunately the service is now a bit slower, but then every upgrade has its cloud.
lazer72 - Thu Dec 27, 2012 10:27 am
Post subject:
*Service bots have been upgraded and now look like small hovering spheres with angry faces painted on them (changeable)*
ALC - Thu Dec 27, 2012 2:22 pm
Post subject:
lazer72 wrote:
faces painted on them (changeable)*
Or not angry..., patrons are advised to avoid any Bots with this expression: Mr. Green
These are in fact fugees from Marathon and are apt to explode without warning when serving drinks. Adds a touch of excitement to buying a beverage.
ALC - Wed Jan 02, 2013 9:08 am
Post subject:
The CB&G Corp wishes everyone a Happy New Year 2013!

Service bots move in and start cleaning away the garbage and bodies left over after the NY party as the vending machines and cash registers recalibrate themselves to the new year price structures -increases all round Mr. Green -the chimps have to occasionally eat too.

Another year rolls into the chronometer and begins to tick away....
DrysonB - Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:29 pm
Post subject:
Here is an idea that may shed some light on creating warp drive and faster than light propulsion. I got this idea last night while thinking about a ride I saw at the county fair when I was younger. Basically the ride was based on centrigal force where the faster that the ride went the more pressure was placed against the carney creating a force against them and pinning them to the wall of the ride. I then thought about the light photon traveling through space and the sun itself. In order for the sun to maintain its cohesive shape it would have to spin at a very fast rate of velocity where the expulsion of material would in fact be pinned against the wall. But what wall is the matter being pinned against? Is there an interaction between the centrifugal force of the sun against unseen mattter possibly Dark Matter that allows the sun to maintain its shape? If there wasn't such an interaction then the suns matter would simply spin off into space like the carney riding the county fair would be flung a ceretain distance...oops sorry about the fling....Its see how far we can fling a carney day at Complex.com.

Now when we look at the light photon traveling through space it would most likely be spinning at a rate of light speed or 299 792 458 m / s. This velocity would create a centrifigual force within the light photon that would keep the light photon cohesive as the light photon ejected matter from its core against Dark Matter. If such a force was not present then the light Photon like the carney rider would fling itself apart as it was ejected from the sun. This means that there should be an interaction present between Dark Matter and the light photon where because of the rate of velocity of the spin of the photon that a wall is created between the light photon and Dark Matter that pins most of the light photons matter inside of the photon itself. As the matter inside of the light photon slowly diminishes the centrifugal force cannot be maintained thus causing the light photon to return to a velocity where it would dissipate into space in much the same manner that the carney on the ride is slowly unpinned from the wall of the ride as it slows down. In order for a ship to travel at the speed of light I think that an exterior field traveling at the speed of light needs to be present. Once the interaction that keeps a light photon cohesive in much the same way that the sun is kept cohesive through centrifugal forces applying a force on dark Matter then we might be one step closer to achieving near light speed velocities.

Once this process is discovered it could be developed into a eight point system thus creating the hyperspace bounding rectangle that could then projected from one point to an exit point using FTL or close to FTL propulsion systems.
ALC - Sat Jan 12, 2013 1:01 am
Post subject:
FTL maths makes the chimps thirsty.

Benji chimp contemplates this as the service bots clean away the remains of the week long New Year Party. Plans are afoot in the Party committee to come up with a theory that would allow for a year long New Year Party...
bills6693 - Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:56 am
Post subject:
Aah... I come out of hibernation, and go stand under the slowly rotating ceiling fan (because for some reason a bar & grill in space still has those?) to get it to blow the dust off me.

I'm back baby Smile

How much have the prices gone up? I'm willing to sell all my worldy goods for half a space burger, is that enough?
ALC - Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:39 pm
Post subject:
bills6693 wrote:
(because for some reason a bar & grill in space still has those?) to get it to blow the dust off me.
It's the ambiance - patrons expect it!

bills6693 wrote:
I'm back baby Smile
Welcome back Sir. Always a free starter drink for a returning customer (the car park de-clamp fee will straighten the accounts out...) ...

bills6693 wrote:
How much have the prices gone up?
Well, the new year price increases haven't been made yet. Decisions are at the committee stage. The Party Committee haven't yet worked out the cost of the proposed parties. This has delayed the Hairdressers Pricing Revision Sub-committee from revising any prices. So there's good value to be had all round then... Smile
...for a limited time of course.
lazer72 - Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:46 pm
Post subject:
Hey, waiter!
what channels do you have on the table screens?
do you have Intergalactic Geographic?
ALC - Wed Jan 16, 2013 2:01 pm
Post subject:
It's Gogglemegavision - We have all channels.
But Sir will have to buy a drink and a at least a Mini-meal to qualify for free view.
lazer72 - Sat Jan 19, 2013 4:55 am
Post subject:
Ah, drinks and a Mini-meal, the axiom of Gogglemegavision...
I'll take four please!
Two for me, one for my pet shark and one for my robot dog.
And I can't find the remote...does it even have one!
ALC - Sun Jan 20, 2013 2:00 am
Post subject:
A remote Sir! How quaint - this is Gogglemegavision (non-complementary) Sir. It beams its choices directly into Sir's brainwave pattern. Such is the power of modern advertising...
ALC - Fri Jul 05, 2013 7:11 pm
Post subject:
To celebrate the coming of summer, the CB&G* is providing free grilled makkara-kielbasa in the car park. Mustard is extra, and drinks are not free.
Happy eating at the Happy Eater Cool

*Sounds a bit like a railway company there.
ALC - Thu Aug 22, 2013 1:03 am
Post subject:
A tumbleweed blows quietly in a circle in the car park...
ALC - Sat Nov 30, 2013 1:13 am
Post subject:
Well, it's that time of the year again!
Xmas promotions. Holiday bells. Christmas trees. Yuletide shopping.

CB&G service droids begin the laboriousless task of putting up decorations...

...and of course prepping the bar promotions.
ALC - Sun Jul 20, 2014 10:22 pm
Post subject:
A lot of soliloquising going on these days.

Anyone still around these parts?
lazer72 - Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:44 am
Post subject:
Hey, where is everyone?
I seem to have misplaced my robot dog, has anyone seen him? If you do just hyperspace him to my Space Bubble about 500000 light years from this bar at coordinates 13.25.64 relative to Sol.

Also....I would like a nice big plate of Anti-Grav chips, I'm trying to lose weight, not mass.

Thanks.
Shrugging Khan - Thu Mar 05, 2015 9:25 am
Post subject:
lazer72 wrote:
I'm trying to lose weight, not mass..

Laughing
ALC - Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:32 pm
Post subject:
lazer72 wrote:
Also....I would like a nice big plate of Anti-Grav chips, I'm trying to lose weight, not mass.
Thanks.
Certainly Sir. However, you should be aware that there is always a trade-off. the Chips have no flavour, and no food value. They look good though Smile

The dogs generally hang around the car park, competing for territory, I gather
lazer72 - Fri Mar 06, 2015 4:38 am
Post subject:
ALC wrote:
lazer72 wrote:
Also....I would like a nice big plate of Anti-Grav chips, I'm trying to lose weight, not mass.
Thanks.
Certainly Sir. However, you should be aware that there is always a trade-off. the Chips have no flavour, and no food value. They look good though Smile

The dogs generally hang around the car park, competing for territory, I gather
Damn dog! I keep telling him that he's not a real dog but he just doesn't understand that he can't hang out with the others. He'll get ripped to shreds!

*Goes out to car park* *Sees robot dog standing atop a mound of injured dog bodies with a crowd of dogs listening to his dog speech* .........Wow, crap. Looks like he's in charge now.
ALC - Sun Mar 08, 2015 12:42 am
Post subject:
lazer72 wrote:
.........Wow, crap. Looks like he's in charge now.
...until the bugblatter beasts arrive...

...it'll be light soon, better get inside.
lmsmi1 - Mon Jun 22, 2015 1:15 am
Post subject:
I'm expecting a "hey, haven't seen you in a while".

Hey, haven't seen any of you in a while.
ALC - Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:40 am
Post subject:
The droid bartender says in it's Austrian TERMINATOR voice
"H e y, h a v e n't . s e e n . y o u . i n . a . w h i l e"

Y o u . m u s t . b u y . a . d r i n k
lmsmi1 - Wed Jun 24, 2015 12:59 pm
Post subject:
One Dewshine, please. And a squirt of lemon juice added in there, too.
ALC - Mon Jun 29, 2015 12:44 am
Post subject:
Bartender draws its laser rifle...,
...thinks for a moment (in a cyborg sort of fashion)...,
Puts away the rifle.

And serves the customer its drink.

t h a n k . y o u . s i r
lazer72 - Tue Jun 30, 2015 2:11 pm
Post subject:
Have you reopened for drinks, food and sometimes lethal business?

Long time no see.

Let's see, I'll have whatever cake you recommend.
ALC - Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:39 am
Post subject:
S p i d e r . C a k e . i s . a . m u s t
lazer72 - Tue Jul 07, 2015 4:40 am
Post subject:
Spider cake eh?

Of the Black Widow variety? Ok then.

How about a nice big glass of liquid Mercury?
Be careful or I'll do to you what GLaDOS did to Wheatly.
ALC - Sat Jul 11, 2015 4:49 pm
Post subject:
T e r m i n a t o r s . a r e . n o t . c a r e f u l . . t h e y . a r e . i n e v i t a b l e
Y o u r . c a k e . s i r...
lazer72 - Sun Jul 19, 2015 5:13 am
Post subject:
........ Ah.....OK then.
I'll.... Uh.. just have my cake then.

*quickly calls accountant to buy SkyNet shares and aquire heavy military weapons *

Ahem...... Thanks for the cake.
ALC - Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:23 am
Post subject:
Y o u r . c a k e . S i r

A delicious chocolate and snosberry cake teleports into the table.
It is decorated with a motif of cobwebs and spiders, all made of sugar.
This is a seriously cakey cake.

I ' L L . B E . B A C K . . .

The waiter departs, to terminate an Oompaloompa that is trying to escape from the kitchen.
DrysonB - Sun Jan 22, 2017 7:01 pm
Post subject:
***Disclaimer: This is for those of legal age in their country to consume a spirited drink.***

I found an old Bentusi wreck about a year ago. Nothing major except a recipe for making 4,000 year old whiskey.

Simply make a one liter aging barrel from Bog White Oak, char the inside of the barrel to desired flavor, assemble the barrel and seal.

*Make certain to add the spigot and bung hole before assembling.

Once assembled you can pre-flavor the barrel with other spirits such as wine, tequila and rum. Once flavored add your neutral grain spirit to the barrel and let age for six months ensuring to top the barrel off every now and then because of the Angel's Share.

Because the age of the wood is 4,000 years old you will have created a 4,000 year old tasting spirit.

Enjoy.
ALC - Mon Jan 23, 2017 1:54 am
Post subject:
4,000 years old! Shocked I'll have a glass of that then please.

Welcome back.
As you can see we are well into Complex 10 Dev now. Pull up a chair and start testing.
lazer72 - Mon Jan 23, 2017 9:42 pm
Post subject:
I see you've redecorated.
Higher resolution wallpaper?
Love it.


I'll have a pizza, a 4000 year old pizza.
Thanks
ALC - Tue Jan 24, 2017 11:17 pm
Post subject:
Glad you like it. It was very expensive, so we had to put all our prices up—still good value though Smile

Watch out for the cheese on that pizza, it's very ripe after all that aging, like a really good Stilton.
ALC - Sun Dec 24, 2017 12:26 am
Post subject:
Season's Greetings and a prosperous and multi-gamed New Year to everyone Smile
Jelrak - Sun Dec 24, 2017 8:19 pm
Post subject:
Thank you...to you as well!
lazer72 - Fri Sep 28, 2018 6:53 pm
Post subject:
*Walks through the dusty doors of the Bar, brushes aside the cobwebs and sits at the bar.

Wipes at the screen and wakes up the dormant bartender from hibernation*

Hello, old friend.
Jelrak - Sat Sep 29, 2018 6:45 am
Post subject:
Hello, dear Lazer...it has been a while...
ALC - Wed Oct 03, 2018 7:25 pm
Post subject:
The shiny 2 metre tall Pepper Pot-shaped bartender droid starts to hum, erratically at first, then whirrs to life — sounding a bit like a refrigerator powering up — the blue light at the end of its nose-like appendage glows unsteadily to life…

“EXTERrr…, r, min?
uh..,

W o u l d . y o u . like a drink Señor?
We have many beverages available!”

Nobody expects a Spanish Dalek!
lazer72 - Wed Oct 10, 2018 1:39 pm
Post subject:
Oh, brilliant.
I would like a cup of tea, Dalek sir, and some Jammy Dodgers.
ALC - Fri Oct 12, 2018 5:58 pm
Post subject:
The Dalek wriggled its moustache, sellotaped to the end of its eyepiece,
Y O U . M A Y . CALL ME MANUEL
WHAT Kind of tea would you like? We have many flavours and varieties.

My assistant Unterwaiter will fetch Jammy Dodgers from the Hagrabiscuit Vending Machine - ther will be no extra charge for this, provided tips are generous.
ALC - Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:47 pm
Post subject:
Nobody expects a pattern buffer to suddenly appear in an alcove.

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